


All the Stars in the Sky

by benotafraidofwriting



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Astrology, Getting Together, Journalist Dan, M/M, Newspaper AU, Nothing too explicit, Slight Smut, Slow Burn, meet cute, slight PTSD, touch of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-05 00:38:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15158615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benotafraidofwriting/pseuds/benotafraidofwriting
Summary: '“Horoscopes are just a few lines of vague generalizations about someone’s life. They’re open to interpretation.” Dan argued, aware of his voice rising a little.Phil stared at him in disbelief. “You have astrology all wrong, mate. You know, we should talk about it some more. Maybe over dinner?”Dan’s mouth open, closed, and opened again. When he finally remembered how to speak properly, he asked in bewilderment: “Are you asking me out?”The raven-haired man shrugged. “Yeah.”'Dan is a journalist who works on the advice column and horoscopes. Bored with his job and his only friends being the ones he met on the Internet, he wasn't ready for Phil Lester to come in and turn his life upside down.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! So, this idea has been bouncing in my head for a while. I wanted to write something fluffy and slow burning after the reception to 'More Than Just The Game'.  
> Side note, I know nothing about astrology and reading the stars, so sorry if there are any errors pertaining to that.  
> Please leave a comment if you want me to continue with this story, or if you want me to scrap the idea entirely. Either way, your opinion matters!  
> I love you guys so much! Hope you enjoy it and happy reading!

“Mr. Howell, there’s someone here to see you. He’s very insistent.”

“Tell him I’ll be right there, Janet.” Dan clicked off his intercom and sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face before standing up and leaving his cubicle.

When Dan was first hired by the Daily Press, the world’s largest news conglomerate, he had had visions of chasing down stories, and getting to the truth behind them. Instead, he was starting at the bottom of the ladder, which meant he was the new Auntie Rita, the paper’s advice columnist, as well as Madame Moon, who wrote horoscopes.

It wasn’t the worst job in the world, but it wasn’t as stimulating as Dan would like. On top of that, it seemed like every week there was a reader, usually an elderly person, with a grievance against Dan’s advice. Today seemed to be one of those days.

He arrived at the building lobby and went up to the reception desk.

“Mr. Lester’s right over there, Mr. Howell.” Janet gestured to one of the leather waiting chairs against the wall.

Dan turned around. To his surprise, it wasn’t the grumpy octogenarian he was expecting. Instead, he found himself striding forward and shaking the hand of a rather attractive twenty-something man. His raven-black hair was pushed up on his forehead. His impossibly blue eyes were framed by thick dark glasses. He was wearing a T-shirt and jeans.

“What can I do for you, Mr. Lester?” Dan tried to keep his voice even as he cast his mind back, trying to remember if someone fitting this reader’s profile wrote to Auntie Rita.

The man settled back in his chair and cleared his throat. “First of all, call me Phil. Second, I came because of this.”

Phil reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a page of the newspaper. 

“I’m sorry if you were dissatisfied with Auntie Rita’s advice, but remember she knows what’s best.” Dan recited the speech he practically knew by heart now. It was easier this way, to pretend to be an advocate for his pseudonyms, rather than go into detail about he was not the fifty year old woman from the picture above Rita’s name at the top of the column.

Phil, however, shook his head. “I have no problems with Auntie, Madame Moon, however…” He unfolded the page and pointed at the horoscope section.

Dan frowned in confusion. This was certainly a first. “Something wrong?”

Phil nodded. “See, she wrote: ‘Your desire to create may lead to impulsiveness, so proceed with caution’ under Aquarius. However, Jupiter is in retrograde and Saturn’s entering, meaning that it’s a perfect time to explore any outlets tending towards learning.”

Dan blinked and scratched the back of his head. None of those words made any sense to him. Horoscopes were easy to write, just a vague description of what someone should do today. To tell the truth, he believed astrology was complete nonsense and that the skies didn’t affect one’s mood or whatever.

At Dan’s look of confusion, Phil huffed in frustration. “Look, can I speak to Ms. Moon, please?”

“I am Madame Moon.” Dan blurted out.

Phil raised an eyebrow. “You?”  
“Yes.” Dan said, a little indignant. Sure, he was young, but that didn’t mean he was inexperienced or didn’t know how to do his job. 

“Why on Earth are you writing horoscopes if you don’t even know about the basic houses?” Phil asked.

“Horoscopes are just a few lines of vague generalizations about someone’s life. They’re open to interpretation.” Dan argued, aware of his voice rising a little.

Phil stared at him in disbelief. “You have astrology all wrong, mate. You know, we should talk about it some more. Maybe over dinner?”

Dan’s mouth open, closed, and opened again. When he finally remembered how to speak properly, he asked in bewilderment: “Are you asking me out?”

The raven-haired man shrugged. “Yeah.”

Dan was so thrown off by this exchange. One minute, he was arguing with a stranger, the next, he was being asked out by said stranger. 

“O-ok.” he finally managed to squeak out. 

Phil’s mouth quirked up into a smile. “Perfect. Here’s my number. Hope to hear from you soon.”

As Phil walked out, Dan stared after him in shock and sagged into a chair.

“Wow.” Janet, who saw and heard the whole thing, muttered before going back to her paperwork.

-

After he came home, fed his cat, and ate dinner, Dan ran a bath and mulled over today’s interaction with Phil. 

The guy seemed nice enough, if a little too passionate about the astrology mumbo-jumbo, not to mention incredibly fit. It had been so long since Dan had been asked out on a date too, as he chose to focus on his journalism career. 

His orange Persian cat, Carmen, mewled and hopped onto the edge of the tub. She began swatting at the pink foam that filled the bath. 

Chuckling at his cat’s antics, Dan pulled out his phone and began filming. 

‘The lady in the bath’ he captioned the video after posting it to Instagram. Within minutes, it got nearly 5,000 likes and comments. 

This was the most of Dan’s social life, posting on Instagram and talking to people through the phone. It was nice, yet he couldn’t help but feel lonely.

Almost subconsciously, he exited Instagram and stared at Phil’s number he programmed into it shortly after meeting the other man.

Steeling himself, he opened up a new message and began to type.


	2. Chapter 2

‘Hii, it’s Madame Moon, or Dan if you prefer.’ he texted and pressed ‘Send’ before he could think about it too much.

Carmen mewled and nudged Dan’s hand, nearly causing him to drop his phone in the bath water. He took a moment to glare at his cat before he was distracted by his phone buzzing.

‘Dan! Hi! What are you up to?’

Dan considered telling the truth for a moment, that he was taking a bath, but decided it was too risqué for a first conversation. He did only meet the guy today after all.  
‘Nothing, just chilling. Wyd?’

‘Hiding from a spider and considering if I should move out of this apartment.’

Dan snorted and shuddered. He hated spiders, but Phil’s deadpan answer was the kind of humor he liked. 

‘Cut out the middleman and just burn the place down.’

‘I would, but my security deposit…’

‘Screw the money, you’re in danger.’

‘Want to come kill it for me? XD’

The water had become too cold for Dan’s liking, so he got out and put on his pajamas. He didn’t let go of his phone the entire time.

‘I would, but I’m already in bed.’

‘Dammit. Oh well. My roommate just came home and killed it for me. Time to come out of the closet.’

‘Is that a metaphor?’

‘Shut up.’

At this point, Carmen decided Dan wasn’t paying enough attention to her and swatted the phone out of his hand. Dan groaned as the phone dropped to the carpet. He picked it up and realized he sent a nonsensical message.

‘jfhskerlfhslkfjzndQWO’

‘Are you ok?’

‘Sorry, my cat knocked my phone.’

‘Aw, I love cats! What does he/she look like?’

‘You can look for yourself on Instagram. I’m dan_howell43.’

There was a loll in the conversation as Phil presumably went to the site. Dan occupied himself by playing with Carmen with a loose thread on his quilt.

‘She’s beautiful. What’s her name? Where did you find her?’

“Someone thinks you’re beautiful, Miss Lady.” Dan told his cat, showing her phone screen. She just blinked and rubbed her face against his hand. 

‘Carmen. I found her in the alley behind my apartment after I got back from an internship in the Middle East. She’d been eating out of my rotting garbage while I was away.’

‘Classy. Nice of you to rescue her, though.’

‘Yeah, I can be if I try.’

‘I’m curious, what’s your sign?’

‘That’s a shitty pickup line. It’s Gemini.’

‘That explains a lot.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘It’s better if I explained it in person. Want to get lunch?’

‘I thought you said dinner earlier.’

‘Yes, but I want to take you somewhere afterwards.’

‘So, it’s like a proper date date?’

Dan chewed nervously on his lip as he sent the last message. Before, he wasn’t sure if Phil just asked him out in the heat of the moment or if he was really interested in Dan.

‘Yeah. Unless you don’t want it to be.’

‘No, I want it to be. I just wasn’t sure about you.’

‘Trust me, I think myself as incredibly brave for asking you that this afternoon.’

Dan felt a blush creep up his cheeks. He didn’t think about Phil being nervous to ask him out. He just thought himself as Dan, nobody special. He was smiling when he replied.

‘Says the man who hid from a spider in a closet.’

‘Oh, you’re a cheeky one. You didn’t even see it. It was the size of a frog.’

‘What kind of frog?’

‘I dunno. Just the first kind that pops into your head when you hear the word ‘frog’’

‘I’m thinking of those small rainforest frogs, which are tinier than a human thumb.’

They bantered back and forth like that until it became late. They said goodnight and reaffirmed their plans for tomorrow. As Dan settled under his covers and switched off the lights, Carmen by his side, he was smiling.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan began to panic just after he arrived at the restaurant Phil had selected for lunch. His anxiety never had the best timing.

What if Phil was a serial killer? At least that would make a cool headline at the Daily Press: ‘Reporter Murdered. Now Taking Applications for Auntie Rita.’

“Dan?”

Dan looked up and saw Phil standing there. Under the soft lighting of the restaurant, the other man seemed almost ethereal. He wasn’t wearing his glasses and his blue eyes burned bright as he looked Dan up and down. 

“You clean up nice.” Phil grinned as he slid into the chair at the opposite side of their table.

“So do you.” Dan said, and he meant it. If he thought Phil was fit before, he was not ready for the man in a suit.

They ordered appetizers and made small talk while they looked over the menus. It wasn’t until the entrées arrived that things got interesting.

“What made you want to be a journalist?” Phil asked as he dug into his chicken.

Dan paused, chewing thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I really liked writing growing up and after I got a communications degree, it kind of snowballed into this.” He made a vague gesture with his hand. 

Phil nodded in understanding. “It was like that for me with video editing. I never really planned anything, it just kind of happened.”

They went silent after that as they finished their meals.

“So, where are you taking me after this?” Dan asked as they were waiting for the waiter to come back with Phil’s credit card. Dan had tried to pay for himself, but Phil refused, claiming that the one who asked him out should be the one who pays. After a hot debate, Dan eventually gave in. Phil’s burning blue eyes were proving to be dangerously persuasive.

Phil smiled, looking up at Dan almost coyly. Dan’s heart stuttered in his chest.

“That’s for me to know, and you to find out.”

Dan groaned. “I don’t like surprises.”

“Well, I have to be kind of mysterious, to keep your interest.”

“Believe me, you got it.” Dan murmured under his breath. One look at Phil’s surprised face told him that Phil heard that.

The two of them was stared at each other. The room had become stifling hot, all of a sudden, and Dan had to fight the urge to pull at his collar. The moment was broken by the waiter coming back with the receipt.

-

“Now do you want to tell me?” Dan asked about fifteen minutes later. Phil had led them out of the restaurant and they hopped on a bus downtown. 

The bus was crowded, forcing Dan to press his back against Phil’s front. If he was going to be rubbing against someone on a bus, he’d rather it be someone he moderately knew than a random stranger. Also, he was rather enjoying Phil’s proximity, which was surprising. Usually, it took him a long time to trust someone enough for them to touch him. He’d met Phil yesterday, but he didn’t flinch whenever Phil gently grabbed his waist to steady Dan whenever they hit a bump or shy away when Phil’s hot breath tickled the back of his neck as he answered Dan’s question.

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.” Phil’s voice rumbled in Dan’s ear and he had to suppress a shiver. He took the next bump as an excuse to lean more into Phil’s warm chest and silently cheered when the other man wrapped his arm around Dan to anchor him. 

“Thanks.” Dan said, looking back to smile sweetly at Phil from under his eyelashes. Phil’s breath hitched and Dan’s heart was practically tap-dancing at the possibility that he was affecting Phil like that.

“This is our stop.” Phil said in a slightly strained voice. They made their way off the bus and Dan looked at where they’d been dropped off.

“The planetarium? Really?” he turned to Phil and looked at him incredulously. 

“Well, I think I deserve points for originality.” Phil replied as they walked into the building. “Besides, I promised you an astrology lesson, didn’t I?”

Dan gave a huff but let himself be guided into the first room. 

A giant diorama of the solar system sat in the center. Facts about each planet were on the walls surrounding it. 

“Now, pay attention.” Phil’s voice sounded out next to Dan. “Since you’re a Gemini, I’ll be using your sign as an example.”

He went over and pointed at one of the planet models. “Your sign is ruled by Mercury, meaning you place an emphasis on writing and communication.” Phil gave Dan a pointed look, but Dan just scoffed. 

“That information can be applied to anybody. Communication is one of the aspects of being human.”

“Fine, keep listening.” Phil said. “People born under this sign often feel some part of them is missing, like their other half. This is why they’re always on the move, looking for new people to meet.”

Dan shifted, but recovered a moment later. “Again, that’s a blanket statement.”

“You hate being confined to one corner, preferring to move freely.” Phil continued, ignoring Dan, “You also crave mental stimulation and variety.”

Dan was getting uncomfortable, disliking the way Phil had switched from general to ‘you’ in his explanation. If there was one thing Dan hated, it was being put in a box. Upon realizing this was one of the so-called ‘Gemini traits’ Phil had just said, Dan blew out an angry breath. 

“Stop.”

At Dan’s word, Phil indeed stopped speaking. He just looked at Dan pointedly, like he was expecting Dan to say he was right or something. This somehow made Dan angrier, but he quickly reined it in. The last thing he wanted was to make a scene. 

“That was simple generalization.” Dan hissed, “That proves nothing. Also, stop talking about me like you know me. You know nothing about me.”

He turned on his heel and stalked out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, beautiful people! Thanks for clicking!   
> I'll be honest, I'm not too sure about this story and I'm considering giving up on it.  
> If you like it and want me to continue, please leave a comment letting me know, please!  
> Hope you enjoy and have a marvelous day!

A few days later, he was regretting his actions and wondering if he maybe overreacted. Phil hadn’t texted him since the date, and had probably moved on. Maybe it was for the best. 

He thought back, trying to figure out why he got so angry. Maybe it was Phil’s tone, maybe it was because Dan was afraid of opening up to someone. 

“What’s the matter?” 

Dan looked up from where he had dropped his head in his hands to see PJ Liguori, the Daily Press’s movie reviewer, standing at his cubicle. 

“Nothing.” Dan said quickly, shooting the other man a quick smile. “Just tired.”

PJ raised an eyebrow as he leaned against the doorway. “Want to talk about it?”

“No…yes…I don’t know…” Dan said, furiously rubbing his eyes. 

“What would Auntie Rita do?” PJ asked, grinning. 

“The right thing.” Dan muttered. “But I’m not Rita, or even Madame Moon.”

“Maybe that’s your problem.” PJ shrugged. “You’ve been hiding behind those pseudonyms for so long, you lost yourself along the way.”

Dan blinked. “That…that doesn’t make any sense.”

“True.” PJ agreed. “But it would make a great movie line.”

Dan’s phone suddenly buzzed and he picked it up. Upon seeing one new message from Phil, his heart skipped a beat.

“Have a nice time.” PJ smirked and disappeared from the doorway. 

Dan shook his head. PJ may be weird, but he was probably the closest thing to a friend Dan had around here. He opened his messages.

‘Hey, Dan. Listen, I’m so sorry for offending you the other day. I made assumptions when I shouldn’t have. If you never want to talk to me again, it’s fine, but I really like you and want a second chance.’

Dan sighed, running a hand through his hair before he replied.

‘Thanks for your apology. I’m sorry too. I overreacted and shouldn’t have burst out like that. I’d like another shot as well.’

His phone buzzed a second later. 

‘Great! Want to have dinner and a movie at my place?’

Dan agreed in his next text and they made plans to meet after Dan got off work. Dan went back to answering Auntie Rita letters with a heart full of hope.

-

Phil answered the door with a sheepish smile and a quiet ‘Come in.’ As Dan wiped his feet, he looked around. 

Phil’s apartment looked exactly as he’d picture it. It was bright and airy, even in the dusky twilight light that hung outside the window. He turned to Phil.

“Where’s your roommate?” 

“Oh, she’s out.” Phil said. “But, she sends her love.”

Dan smiled. “Darn, I wanted to meet the Great Spider Killer of the 21st Century.”

Phil groaned as he led the way to the kitchen. “Do not call her that to her face. Her ego doesn’t need any more ammo.”

Dan laughed, settling into a dining room chair while Phil went to drain some pasta and stir the sauce. “So, what movie are we watching?”

“I was thinking either The Hurt Locker or The Shining.” Phil walked to his own chair and handed Dan his food. 

“Those are kind of heavy movies for a date.” Dan pointed out as he dug in.

Phil nodded. “Sorry, they’re the only movies we currently have. Our internet is down, so there’s no Netflix or Hulu.”

“Well, I’m choosing The Shining. I always get distracted by inaccuracies in war movies.” 

“I didn’t take you as a military buff, Dan.”

“I’m not.” Dan slipped out before he could stop himself. This topic was treading dangerously close to something he wasn’t sure he was ready to talk about.

Phil glanced at him, but he mercifully decided not to ask Dan about it.

They finished their dinner and Phil took Dan over to the big squishy sofa in the living room and popped the movie into the player. He disappeared for a moment as the opening credits were rolling, but came back with a bowl of popcorn. 

“Yay.” Dan said as Phil put the bowl on the coffee table and sat down next to him.

“Was that for the food or for me?” Phil asked, smiling.

“The food, obviously.” Dan said sarcastically. Phil just laughed and switched off the lights.

As Dan began to anticipate the first scare, he began to edge closer to Phil. The other man didn’t seem to notice until Dan was practically jumping into his lap when the scare happened.

“Whoa.” said Phil.

“Sorry.” Dan murmured into the crook of Phil’s neck. “I hate scary movies.”

“Then why’d you pick it?” Phil asked, but he wrapped his arms around Dan and began stroking his back. “That question is rhetorical by the way, you don’t have to answer.”

“Thanks.” Dan said gratefully. 

They spent the rest of the movie like that, clinging to one another whenever something scary occurred. Phil seemed just as scared as Dan, judging by the way he sometimes burrowed his face into Dan’s hair. By the time the closing credits rolled, they were close to crying.

Dan pulled back and glanced at the way they were practically climbing each other and started laughing. 

“We’re wimps.” 

“Hey!” Phil exclaimed, but he was laughing too. His tongue poked out of the side of his mouth in a way that somehow memorized Dan. He was leaning up and capturing Phil’s lips with his own before he could think twice about it.

The amount of people he’d kissed in his lifetime was something he could count on one hand, so he couldn’t exactly compare, but he could say that Phil was the best kisser out of all of them. It wasn’t just the sensation of Phil’s lips moving against his, it was the rush of euphoria that came with it. Dan felt like he was flying, with the way his stomach swooped and adrenaline hit his veins. 

When they finally pulled away, both were flushed and panting. 

“Wow.” Phil said, and Dan had to agree.

“I should go.” Dan said softly, checking his watch. “Carmen’s probably wondering about me.”

Phil walked him to the door. “I, um, had a really nice time, tonight. Thanks again for giving me a second chance.” He looked down and scuffed his foot on the floor. “Would you want to do this again?”

Giggling, Dan leaned forward and kissed Phil’s cheek lightly. When he pulled back, Phil’s cheek was bright red.

“I’d love to.” Dan whispered, staring into Phil’s wide eyes. “Text me.”

Phil just nodded, and Dan made his exit, giddily bouncing on the balls of his feet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everybody!  
> Thank you so much for being patient with me! This was probably the hardest chapter to write because of the angst at the end.  
> Please, let me know what you think!

“Why are you so happy on a Monday?”

Dan looked up from his phone at PJ, who had his hands on his hips and was staring at him from across the break room table.

“No reason.” Dan shrugged before looking back down at Phil’s most recent text.

PJ gave a grunt before walking over to the vending machine and purchasing a candy bar. Dan smiled and sent Phil a joke about a Snickers.

It had been a couple weeks since Dan and Phil’s do-over date. They had gone on a couple more dates since then, and things were running smoothly. 

There was, however, one little snag. They had yet to discuss the whole astrology argument, and Dan could feel its presence in every one of their interactions, like a dark shadow.

The thing was, Dan didn’t even know why he got so upset over such a mundane thing. He had a few guesses, sure, but…

His train of thought was interrupted when PJ plopped down in the chair next to him.

“So, sort out your little problem?

“Kind of.” Dan admitted. Lying to PJ was really never an option with the other man. Dan was sure PJ could work for the CIA if the movie reviewing thing doesn’t pan out.

“What do you mean, ‘kind of’?” PJ said, “Bite?” He offered the candy bar to Dan.

Dan shook his head. “I mean, it’s good, but I just have this lingering feeling of…sadness? Disappointment? I don’t know.”

“Hey, I know how you feel.” PJ said, leaning back in his chair. 

“Do you?” Dan raised an eyebrow doubtfully.

PJ just laughed. “Believe or not, I’ve had my relationship problems too.”

“Who said I was talking about relationships?”

“No one, but it’s obvious what the problem is.” PJ said smoothly. He stood up and threw his wrapper away. “Look, just be open and honest with whoever they are, all right? I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time and I don’t want you to screw it up by being dumb and emotionally suppressed.” With that, he was gone, leaving Dan blinking in his wake.

-

As much as he hated to admit it, PJ did have a point. There were some things Dan had been keeping from Phil, even though Phil told him everything. Dan had laughed about Phil’s fear of horses for a solid two minutes. He had offered Phil his shoulder to cry on when Phil discussed losing his mother to cancer and how he had nightmares for weeks after. 

As soon as Dan opened the door to let Phil in, the other man immediately was looking around on the floor. 

“Where’s your cat?” Phil demanded, not even paying attention as Dan tried to give him a tour. 

Dan stifled a laugh. “She’s in here.” He led the way to his bedroom.

Phil gave a delighted squeal when he saw the curled up Persian on top of Dan’s covers. “She’s so cute!”

“She’s probably thinking the same thing about you.” Dan muttered.

The cat, meanwhile, looked up to see what all the fuss was about and gave a huge yawn. She got up and stretched, meandering her way across Dan’s bed to where Phil stood. She head-butted his outstretched hand, rubbing her face along his arm.

Phil gasped. “She’s nuzzling me.”

“I think she actually likes you more than she likes me.” Dan said, frowning down at his traitorous feline.

“Well, she’s a good judge of character, aren’t you?” Phil cooed to Carmen.

Dan chuckled, sitting on the other side of the bed, watching the pair interact. 

“I have something to tell you.”

Dan winced at the abrupt segue, but he didn’t want to lose his nerve. Phil looked up at him, still absentmindedly stroking Carmen.

“Um, you know how I said I just fell into the journalism thing?”

At Phil’s nod, Dan took a shaky breath and continued.

“Well, that’s not entirely true.”

Phil just cocked his head to the side curiously. He seemed to sense that Dan needed complete silence, something that Dan was grateful for.

“It was just an idea at first. I was doing a bunch of internships everywhere, trying to figure out where I fit. Then I signed up to shadow a war journalist.”

Phil’s blue eyes widened, but he still didn’t speak.

“We were flown into the Middle East.” Dan said softly, staring at his shoes. “We were reporting on the 43rd regiment in the desert. They were all really nice lads, always laughing, even when we could feel the ground shaking from the bombs being dropped just a few miles away.”

He saw Phil shifting out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn’t stop speaking. It was like he’d turned on a faucet and everything he was feeling came pouring out.

“The commander of the 43rd was probably one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. He told me I reminded him of his son back home.”

Dan’s vision became blurry as tears began to well in his eyes. 

“There was a sting operation and Major Carmen…” Dan’s voice cracked on the last syllable and he felt the tears sliding down his cheeks. “…he didn’t make it.”

And the dam broke and Dan was sobbing into his comforter.

Phil’s warmth suddenly surrounded Dan’s trembling body, folding him up. Strong, sure hands guided Dan’s head onto Phil’s shoulder.

After what felt like hours, Dan finally stopped crying and got his breathing under control. He relaxed in Phil’s hold, suddenly feeling very sleepy.

“Sorry.” he mumbled as he pulled away from the other man.

Phil scoffed, “Believe me, Dan; you have nothing to be sorry about.”

Dan smiled and wiped furiously at his eyes. He felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off his shoulders already.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, demons! It's me, ya girl.  
> Thank you so much to everyone who has been supportive and encouraging this story along! I love you all!  
> If you like this story and want to see more, hit Kudos, comment, if you want to.  
> Hope you enjoy and happy reading!

Things got infinitely better between him and Phil after that. Dan really had to send PJ a gift basket or something. The dark cloud of secrets hovering over this relationship seemed to dissipate. Not completely, but enough for a ray of hope to shine through.

Dan was just finishing up the latest Auntie Rita column when he was called into the editing office. He exchanged glances with PJ before he got up and went upstairs.

When Dan entered the bright, airy office of Stan Upright, the man himself was sitting at his giant oak desk, looking over a piece of paper.

“Ah, Howell,” Stan said, not even looking up, “Come in. I’ve got an assignment for you.”

Dan’s heart did a little dance. It had been so long since he’d had a specific assignment and he was craving something else besides advice columns and horoscopes. 

“Are you familiar with e-Sports?” Stan asked as Dan sat down across from him. At Dan’s negative, he continued. “Good, neither am I, and I don’t care to know, but the big boss wants a feature on it to connect with a modern audience or something. I’m giving that to you. I’ll send you the details later. Now, get!”

Dan blinked, getting up and walking out before his mind caught up with the rest of him. 

-

“I have some good news.” Phil announced as he walked through Dan’s apartment door later that night.

“How’d you get into my house?” Dan asked from his spot from the couch, where he was scrolling on his laptop. He’d been researching e-Sports all day and he felt like his eyes were about to fall out.

Carmen, who was irritated at Dan for ignoring her in favor of his work, ran to Phil and the man scooped her into her arms and began scratching behind her ears.

“What’s that?” Phil said as he looked over Dan’s shoulder, taking in a video of two guys playing World of Warcraft.

“Work stuff.” Dan sighed heavily, closing his laptop and setting it aside to cuddle into Phil. “So, what’s your big news?”

Phil wrapped an arm around Dan and continued to pet Carmen. Dan took a moment to revel at the fact that he and Phil fit so perfectly together, how Phil had managed to effortlessly slide into Dan’s life like he was meant to be there. Maybe he was.

“I got my work bonus and I’m taking you to Jamaica.” Phil murmured as Carmen rolled over on his lap.

“What?” Dan said, not sure if he heard correctly. 

“That is, if you want to.” Phil added hastily. 

“No, of course I want to.” Dan pulled back to look at Phil’s face. “But, I have work.”

Phil smiled. “You can’t afford a day or two off?”

After considering for a moment, Dan was still frowning. “I don’t know. I’ll have to ask my boss and whatnot.”

That answer seemed enough to satisfy Phil, who simply pulled Dan back into his side.

-

It turned out that getting time off was easy than Dan thought it was going to be. He’d still have to turn in work every day, but he could just email it. PJ agreed to take care of Carmen while Dan was away.

So, just a few days after Phil’s invite, Dan found himself stepping out of a cab in front of a tiny house on the beach which Phil had rented for the weekend. 

“This is nice.” Dan commented as he looked around the small, four room place. He glanced at his watch. It was nearly five, which was when his interview with an e-Sports player was supposed to take place. He put his suitcase down in the bedroom and got out his notes and laptop before setting up a makeshift office at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. 

Phil went outside to view the ocean as Dan dialed the player’s number.

“Hello?” a man’s voice answered. He sounded as young as Dan, who didn’t know anything about the guy, really. He had just asked a local e-Sports organization if he could interview one of the players and they had given him this number.

“Hi, this is Dan Howell with the Daily Press. I’m doing a piece about eSports and was given this number by your organization. May I ask who I’m speaking to?”

Dan silently congratulated himself on keeping his voice professional and unwavering. He hadn’t lost it in the years of Rita and Moon.

“Oh, yeah, they said you’d be calling around now.” the guy’s voice answered. “I’m Tommy. So, what do you want to know?”

As Dan asked his questions, he scrawled the answers down in his notebook and double-checked any info on his laptop. Phil walked in from outside, bringing the smell of the tropics with him. He gave Dan a silent thumbs-up as he walked by and got a soda from the fridge. Dan smiled to himself and continued talking to Tommy.

“All right, that’s all the questions I had. Is it possible to reach you if I have any follow-up questions?” Dan said after about a half hour on the phone. Phil had parked himself next to Dan and was doing a crossword. 

“Yeah.” Tommy answered. “I’ll give you my house number, since I’m about to run out of minutes on this phone.”

Dan nodded as Tommy listed off his phone number, ready to wrap up this conversation so he could pay attention to his attractive boyfriend. 

“Got it? Anyway, I live with a bunch of other people, so ask for Tommy C. when you call.”

“Oh, sorry. Can I have your full name for the article?” Dan said quickly, already posing to hang up as soon as possible.

“Sure. My name is Thomas Carmen. Gotta go!” Then, the line went dead.

A chill flooded through Dan’s veins as the revelation sunk in.

Phil, who had looked over and seen Dan turn pale, put a hand on Dan’s arm in concern. “You ok?”

Dan just shook his head and got up, stumping numbly towards the bedroom to lie down for a bit.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii! Sorry this chapter is so short. I wanted to save the soul-crushing angst for its own chapter. Warning: this one gets kind of smutty.  
> Love you all and hope you enjoy!

“Are you sure he’s Major Carmen’s son?” Phil murmured.

After some gentle coaxing, Dan had told Phil all about his conversation with Tommy. It was so much easier to talk with the lights off. They were now laying together on the bed, Phil’s arms wrapped around Dan and Dan’s face buried in Phil’s chest.

“No.” Dan sighed, “I can’t be sure, but…” he trailed off, frowning.

Phil seemed to sense his distress, tugging him closer and rubbing a hand across his back. It actually helped; the body heat under Dan, the gentle circles Phil was tracing along his spine. The double doors leading to the beach from their bedroom were open, causing the sound of the ocean to drift through, lulling Dan into a lucid state and finally to slumber altogether.

When Dan woke up, he and Phil were in the same position. Pale gold sunlight spilled through the gossamer curtains, illuminating Phil’s pale skin as Dan looked at him. His boyfriend looked adorable with his pink lips parted and light snores issuing from his mouth. 

Unable to resist, Dan leaned up and kissed the sleeping man. He just couldn’t believe he was in bed with Phil, his boyfriend, in Jamaica, of all places. For the moment, Dan felt his worries about his article and Tommy slide to the side, and just focused on his man.

Phil shifted and Dan gasped as he suddenly felt his morning wood pressing against his leg. They hadn’t had sex yet, but Dan was willing to change that. He just had to get Phil’s permission, of course. 

He nipped at Phil’s neck lightly, leaving very faint hickies on the skin as the raven-haired man finally began to stir. 

“Mm, morning.” Phil said groggily. Dan waited and watched as Phil realized his situation. Blushing, the other man scooted away. “Sorry about that.”

“I’m not.” Dan purred as he followed after Phil. “Want to take care of you.”

“You don’t have to.” Phil said quickly. “Don’t feel pressured or anything.”

Dan’s heart skipped a little at Phil’s consideration. “I don’t, but I want to, if you do.”

“I do want to. God, I want to.” Phil breathed and Dan was on him in a second, kissing him and pushing him back into the pillows. He straddled Phil’s lap and ground down on the bulge in his pajama pants.

Phil made a noise that was somewhere between a whimper and a growl. It was beautiful and Dan wanted him to do it again and again, so he wiggled his hips more purposely against Phil. 

Phil’s hands reached up and gripped Dan’s sides, almost in warning, but Dan was persistent in his movements. 

“Going to make you feel so good.” Dan panted as he began to move down Phil’s body.

The sex was sensual and all-consuming. Dan was pretty sure they never broke eye contact throughout. He’d never felt this way about another person, so safe in his vulnerability. It should have scared him, but it didn’t. Phil made him feel cared for and loved.

Afterward, Phil went back to sleep, while Dan, energized by their activities, made breakfast. 

He was sipping coffee on the patio and posting shots of the white sandy beach and turquoise-blue ocean on Instagram when Phil finally came out, hair messy and dressed only in a pair of loose sweatpants which clung to his hips. 

“So, what are you working on today?” Phil asked after a few minutes of peaceful silence.

Dan gave a hum as he stared at the horizon. “I should probably start typing up that article.”

“You’re going to nail it.” Phil stated as he cleaned up their coffee mugs and pressed a kiss to Dan’s temple before heading back inside. 

When Dan sat down at his computer a few minutes later, he found himself staring blankly at the cursor blinking on the fresh word document. 

He tried desperately to clear his mind and focus on the article, but he kept moving from the e-Sports aspect to Thomas Carmen. 

Was he really the son of a man Dan had met and idolized? How did he feel about his father’s death? Was he ok?

The questions were numerous as they circled in Dan’s head and he eventually had to get away from his computer. Phil provided a welcome distraction by dragging him to the ocean and splashing in the surf. They spent the day collecting shells and exploring the colonial town their beach house sat on the edge of. As the orange sun set on the evening, he and Phil were back on the patio. 

“Maybe you should talk to him.” Phil said out of the blue. 

“Huh?” Dan asked, snapping out of the light doze he’d been entering.

“The son, you should talk to him.” Phil went on, “Maybe it’ll help you get some closure.” 

“What makes you think that?” Dan’s brow furrowed as he thought about it.

Phil shifted slightly. “I know you don’t like to talk about it, but I can see it troubling you. It’s just a suggestion.”

Silence fell between them. Dan was still lost in thought.


End file.
